"Fair" does not mean "equal"

"That's not fair!". We said that growing up. We heard it from our own kids.

My Dad got it. He knew that fair did not mean equal. I think it was easier to understand when the families were larger... he came from a family with 12 kids. I have 6 siblings. The more kids there are, the more clear it is that everyone is different and the "same" is not right for everyone. Fairness is more about what is appropriate than about what is equal.

That is harder to handle when there are fewer kids. It just seems that everyone should get the same and that would settle it (especially from the kids perspective). The same punishment for breaking rules, the same opportunities, the same attention, the same ... everything.

My Dad would often remind us when we were kids - and even reminded us as adult children dealing with our own siblings, and with our own kids - that fair did not mean equal. Fair meant doing the things that were best for each one.