X.12.26 Family Ministry

Check this new one out

2010-07-22T11:00:00.006-05:00

I'm putting this blog on a break so I can focus on my DrLukePresents blog, about "Dr Luke", the 1st Century Physician and writer of the Gospel and his experiences in the 21st Century. It will include: some humor as he encounters 21st Century life; observations on health and wellness; observations on culture; and news about the great resources and grants from Wheat Ridge Ministries.

I'll be using the Dr Luke character, live and online, as part of my new position as Church Relations Representative for Wheat Ridge Ministries.

A letter to Pastor

2010-06-29T20:00:00.003-05:00

I love this letter. Much to take away if you sit in the pew or if you are in the pulpit. Speaks about intentionality for both, and mutual support in the work of the Church.

Brain friendly tips for home and work

2010-06-14T18:16:00.003-05:00

Want to help your children (and you) stay more focused? Here are some brain friendly tips to check out. Practical application of current brain research.

It addresses
-multitasking,
-attention, and
-rest/sleep.

It can be applied to homework, home devotions, work flow on the job, etc.

Clicking with Caution

2010-06-09T14:57:00.004-05:00

Parents, check out this video on online safety. Watch it yourself first. Then watch it with your kids. (There is a warning on it for content below age 12 - but the kids in the various video sections - many are well under 12... that means it is realistic as to what is happening.)

The point is, you need to talk with them about this stuff. But first we need to be educated a bit about what is really happening - kids aren't going to listen well if they think we don't know what we are talking about.

When you watch it with them you can talk about their experiences online in the context of realistic examples.

Real concerns about real dangers for our children! A dialogue can help keep them safe.

And more living...

2010-06-09T09:25:00.001-05:00

I've posted about Connie before. I'd encourage you to check out her June 8th blog, and then come back about once per week. Connie was a teammate at St John Lutheran in Seward. She has terminal cancer but is not defined by that. She is defined by her relationship with Jesus. She is a great example of the faithful saints who encourage by their example.

The Biggest Loser

2010-06-05T12:23:00.004-05:00

Check out this blog from Rich Melheim (it is a sobering twist from what you'd expect with the title). Rich is the key guy at Faith Inc. He has for years been lifting parents up as key in faith formation. We have seen him at his home and he lives it as well. Challenging words, but, from my perspective, right on the money.

Faith Inc and Rich get it. Dick Hardel from FaithWellMT gets it. The folks at Vibrant Faith Ministries get it. Ben and Jennifer Freudenburg of the Family Friendly Partners Network get it. It can't be business as usual because business as usual has meant a church centered focus instead of a home centered focus for passing on our faith in Jesus. And it will take a long time to change the culture. It can be changed, with a strong partnership between church and home, and the results are worth it: parents and children talking about faith, living their faith and passing their faith in Jesus on "to the children not yet born" (Psalm 78:1-7).

What Is That?

2010-05-26T14:36:00.002-05:00

This short little video could spark some very interesting dialogue between a parent and child of any age.

Twitter as a resource

2010-05-15T07:15:00.004-05:00

I'm on Twitter - and should probably post more than I do in order to keep Fitz Family 'out there' in the public eye for p.r. purposes. But I find Twitter to be a good place to just follow people/organizations of interest, for helpful info and resources.

Here are a few places I follow on Twitter. Everyone is forced to keep their posts short. These folks are pretty good at communicating well in the space allowed, so I know if I want to check it out for more info. If you are on Twitter, click the "find people" link and type in these names (if not on Twitter yet, type these names after "http://twitter.com/"):

commonsensenews - helpful info on current media and the family
DrDaveWalsh - Started the Say Yes to No Campaign and Media Wise
SayYesToNo - helpful resource for parents to .... learn how to say 'no'
GetGameSmart - helps parents understand the world of electronic games

You can go to each of their respective twitter sites but I find it easier to 'follow' them and then I get all their tweets, as they tweet, in one place and can click through if I want to, or not.

Fructose

2010-04-17T18:34:00.002-05:00

Check out my other blog for a youtube video and pdf on the dangers of fructose (sugar and High Fructose Corn Syrup are 50% fructose).

Well worth the investment of time to know what we are feeding our kids and how it affects them, short and long term.

Hope Christian Schools

2010-04-05T10:05:00.003-05:00

Check out this 'family' of schools in Milwaukee area: Hope Christian Schools on CBS news. I'd love to know how they involve families in the good things they are doing.

Happens to be one of the projects of Wheat Ridge Ministries. They help lots of organizations do great things.

New Wheat Ridge Resource

2010-04-01T13:40:00.006-05:00

Check out a new resource for Congregations from Wheat Ridge Ministries called Equipped to Serve E-Newsletter.

A great organization... You can expect excellent resources on health and wholeness. Be sure someone from the leadership in your church sees this link. Each issue will be chock full of helpful resources for your church.

Sign up to receive the E-News monthly.

In Life and In Death

2010-03-28T15:49:00.004-05:00

We are at our daughter's place often these days and will get chances to put our grand kids to bed. Just received a letter about the recent death of an aunt and it included my uncle's words about their last evening together. Kind of like book ends. Put your kids to bed with prayer and a blessing... late in life be put to bed with a prayer and a blessing to wake up with Jesus.

These words from my uncle speak of the blessing of memorization for times such as that (and many other times of faith crisis/challenge that come between childhood and death). So sad when I encountered parents (and by default, their kids) who so strongly fought against memorization in classes like confirmation and Sunday School. Kids (and adults, by the way) are quite capable of doing the memorization. Not doing that discipline leaves them with an empty well when they want/need to draw on it later in life.

Here are the words of the last moments the night before my aunt's passing into eternal life with Jesus:
"That was true last night when I was ready for bed. I leaned over close and said the evening prayer and the Lord's prayer, and familiar Scripture and blessed her goodnight. She didn't respond much but this was her final commendation to the care and love of God. She went to sleep then and never woke up this side of eternity. As she slept the angels took her to God to wake up in Heaven. I shall miss her greatly, but I've done much grieving the past couple months. Now I mainly feel gratitude that God has granted her peace and victory of Eternal life."

What a blessing to have your mind and heart filled with the words of God found in Scripture, and with prayers that can come easily back to be spoken, for yourself, for your children, for your spouse, for your friends and more. And one of the best ways to get it to stay in our brain is to do it with music/song.

Food Revolution

2010-03-25T18:56:00.002-05:00

Check out my other blog on Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution.

Brain Awareness Week

2010-03-15T09:25:00.003-05:00

Check out Brain Awareness Week and a series on the brain from Charlie Rose at my other blog.

Reading and the Brain

2010-03-01T14:34:00.002-06:00

Here is an interesting blog on what happens to the brain when you read to your child.

Lots of good things:
- it helps create a more complex and more defined wiring of the brain;
-it is connected to success in school
-it is a critical intervention in developing literacy skills
-healthy emotional well-being, etc

When we connect reading to our children with reading faith stories to our children we add even more good things as they learn about their faith history and how God has been active in the world - and how God will be active in their lives as well.

Health Care Reform?

2010-02-25T18:27:00.007-06:00

Maybe I'm missing it, but in all the heat generated by the discussion about health care reform from the politicians and media I don't see much about the one thing that will make the biggest, longest lasting difference: 'self care' reform.

I saw this billboard on I-88 heading East into Chicago from Aurora. It was sponsored by the local health care provider in the Western Suburbs - Dryer Medical. It said: "Busy yourself with your life. We'll attend to your health". No, thanks. That's how we got into this mess.

Many health indicators are going in the wrong direction - obesity rates, adult onset diabetes among children, Alzheimer's disease, and many more. Even if we could 'fix' the problem of who pays for what coverage we'll never be able to afford it for the long haul as we all get sicker and sicker -unless we change the direction of many trends. We are paying way to much for preventable diseases.

I lead a workshop for school faculty and for parents about brain research, but it is generally about health - take care of the brain and you've taken care of your whole body.

What does this have to do with faith formation in the home? I call the workshop: "Heart, Soul, Mind and Strength" . Parents pass on many things to their children. One of them is a view on stewardship... how we use what we have been given by God. The base gift is life itself and how we care for that, or not, says much about how we are able to worship God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength.

We continue to be impressed by the approach Dr William Sears takes. He is all about prevention, and gives very understandable information and very easy steps to make significant changes in family lifestyles so we can give God our best. As is the case with many books and web sites, there is often also a pitch. Much to learn from Dr Sears but you will also find a pitch for his supplements and more. We affirm his information without endorsing his products. If I was going to endorse anything it would be the products we have taken since Becky got cancer, way back in 1992. We eat as healthy as we can, we exercise and we take food supplements. And we have both essentially stopped getting sick with the flu, cold bug etc. How's that for a product pitch? ;)

Check out some info from Dr Sears on junk food and the brain.

Boredom

2010-02-06T12:06:00.004-06:00

This also comes from the Walsh Twitter.

Interesting evidence from brain research that 'boredom' marks the start of the creative process, of imagination, of some good stuff... if we can let the 'boredom' happen for a while. We are so afraid of the phrase: "I'm bored". Can't wait. Fix it fast. Boredom is bad.

Wait it out a bit and get to the other side. When kids - and adults - learn that there is good stuff on the other side of 'boredom' they'll be more willing to stick it out. Parents, check out my blog on willpower. We need it when the 'boredom' dragon roars.

Countdown to Kindergarten

2010-02-06T11:54:00.001-06:00

This is one of the links from the Walsh Twitter. Happens to be based in MD but I think this is bigger than that.

Countdown to Kindergarten - the page has a great link for parents... I like the fact that this gives parents the tools to help their children learn through everyday activities. Kids learn by watching. Kids learn by doing. What better than to learn by watching and doing with their parents. Everybody wins.

Dr David Walsh

2010-02-06T11:50:00.002-06:00

Follow Dr David Walsh on Twitter for some excellent connections to practical info and ideas for parents.

"Put on your own oxygen mask first..."

2010-02-02T19:35:00.004-06:00

You know what they say in the pre-flight speech about parents putting on their own masks first and then the masks for their kids.

That is a good idea for parents to do in their family life. And the 'oxygen mask' is ramping up your willpower. It takes lots of willpower to be a good parent! When we are worn out and tired and stressed we just don't have the gumption to stick with the "no" that our kids often need to hear.

I came across a very interesting article that is mainly about Alzheimer's prevention. And it is not a new drug. It is a lifestyle change.

Two places to check out:
The web site for Dr Vincent Fortanasce, a neurologist who has written a book called "The Anti-Alzheimer's Prescription" . He is not selling anything (except perhaps his book). Just telling the truth about how costly our lifestyle has become. He talks about "pre-Alzheimer's" in kids... yes, in kids. It is about lifestyle, how we eat, exercise and sleep.

Here is the second link, to a great Q and A session with him. About the second question into the article he talks about willpower and how it is connected to serotonin and dopamine, two chemicals our bodies readily make... when we eat well and exercise.

And once we have our own "oxygen mask" on, we can have the willpower to help our children eat well and exercise too. God calls us to give him our best. Going back to the basics will help.

Shout Out

2010-02-02T17:59:00.006-06:00

Thanks to Rich Bimler for mentioning Fitz Family in a recent article he wrote called: "Fewer Gifts, More Presence" as part of The Inside Track from Church Volunteer Central.

Check out the resource (you can sign up for The Inside Track to come to your inbox). And check out Fitz Family Ministries as a possible ministry opportunity in your church or school: performance, workshops, speaking...

Dr Sears - excellent resource on family nutrition

2010-01-30T18:30:00.003-06:00

Just happened upon a presentation by Dr Sears while we were in Scottsdale, AZ today and he is right on target. He is an M.D. who "gets it" about nutrition: the best health care is self care; simple things like - 'eat your fruits and veggies' and 'go outside and play'.

He is a pediatrician and has a way of explaining things so kids (and their parents, by the way) can understand... and in a way that motivates them to change the way they do things. Excellent.

Check out his new book "The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood" and one of his web sites on family health (the 'lean' program from the graphic).

Teens and Sleep

2010-01-30T12:18:00.003-06:00

Check out my other blog on the connection between teens and sleep and depression.

The basics (exercise, diet and play/rest) make a huge difference in our ability to perform well.

Revolutionary Parenting

2010-01-26T17:57:00.004-06:00

I was reintroduced to George Barna's Revolutionary Parenting. Excellent book. Affirms the importance of parenting and of being intentional.

Here is a short synopsis of the book.

Revolutionary Parenting

2010-01-26T17:57:00.001-06:00

The Teenage Brain

2010-01-23T12:16:00.002-06:00

Check out a post at my other blog on the teenage brain.

Family Legacy Workshop in Ann Arbor

2010-01-22T10:39:00.003-06:00

This will be worth your time if you work with children and their parents...

The Family Life Program at Concordia University, the Family Friendly Partners Network, and the Michigan District of the LCMS invite you to a “FamilyShop” called…

Raising Spiritual Parents: Linking Church and Family to Equip the Generations
By Mike Heinz, Co-Creator of the Faith Legacy Series. I know both Mike Heinz and Ben and Jennifer Freudenburg. This day will give a great experience with folks who know and live out a great model for equipping parents to be primary faith formers in the home.

Feb 13/2010. $15 for the day, including lunch.

If you have questions, email Ben Freudenburg at freudb@cuaa.edu.

Screen Time Climbs Higher

2010-01-22T10:28:00.003-06:00

Here is some important interpretive info from CommonSenseMedia regarding a study by Kaiser Family Foundation.

The study shows some significant increases in media use and CommonSenseMedia talks about the implications of that on our children. The 7 hours and 38 minutes of media use is more time than they spend sleeping...

Important information and excellent food for thought for parents and those who work with children and their parents. Our brains wire based on experience. More and more of what the brain experiences is media.

What are they searching for?

2010-01-14T19:13:00.002-06:00

Wonder where kids go when the "google"?

Check out what CommonSense Media has to say. Checking your child's browser history won't tell you much - if you know how to do that, since they do and likely have cleared it out - but this gives at least a generic look at the top search topics.

It is worth some conversation time with your children... and good reason to have your computer in a very open place. Same thing holds true online... lack of supervision contributes to poor choices.

A Big Win for Babies

2010-01-04T22:03:00.003-06:00

Here is an example of the practical and important work that MediaWise and the "Say Yes to NO" people are involved with:

Heard of "Baby Einstein"? It is from Disney. Check out a quick note about Disney reimbursing parents for their purchase because it didn't do what they promised - make kids smarter. (recent research indicates that screen babies end up with smaller vocabularies than their non-screen counterparts) It did, unfortunately, encourage many parents to put TV screens into the rooms of many (28%) of kids under age two.

Here is the link to check it out. As the article says: "Screens don't make babies smarter, caring people do".

MediaWise has changed...

2010-01-02T17:15:00.006-06:00

Perhaps you had heard of MediaWise - a great organization equipping parents to use all forms of media wisely. They are closing down as of January 1/10 but the work they did will carry on under a variety of different organizations:

Say Yes to No - a book and parent education program to help parents raise happy, self-reliant kids... Focused on the importance of saying "NO". (Follow Dr David Walsh on Twitter @drdavidwalsh)

Common Sense Media - helping parents with age-appropriate use of media. Also some great information for educators. (Follow them on Twitter @commonsensenews or on facebook here)

Through-U - Media wise training for parents and childcare providers. (This web site may change soon so keep watching.)

Switch - about getting active, managing screen time and choosing nutritious food. "Switch what you Do, View and Chew". (This web site may also change, so keep watching.)

A broad range of help in some critical areas for 21st Century parents. Worth a bookmark and a regular visit. When they have regular email newsletters, sign up and take advantage of the helpful info and advice that comes right to you.

Chores...

2009-12-28T00:08:00.004-06:00

Chores are a great way to teach your children about responsibility, and about contributing to the whole - at the start it is the family but that translates to the society at large. You do them because it helps the family, not because you get paid. It is part of what it takes to run a household and everyone pitches in (here is where it is important that Dad is participating as well or the message is mixed at best).

Not long ago there was a lot more work that went into maintaining a family - gardens, food prep, dishes, house cleaning, etc. But now chores seem harder to find. Many families seem to spend less and less food prep time and more and more taxi time carting kids to never-ending teams, clubs and lessons. I guess I think it is about balance. Lessons in music or being on sports teams are good things, but when connected with a couple recent blog posts on play, it is important to have a balance between all the activities a family/child does. And the families that I watch seem to be very short on meaningful chores: work around the house that really needs doing to keep the family functioning, and is age appropriate all the way up as a child grows. (Don't include homework in the "chores" category - that is a separate, and important task for children).

You can check out two blogs that post on children and chores as both reference the same research on how many kids are involved in chores these days. The numbers are dropping rapidly.

Here is a site that is focused on chores and the sample page includes pdf samples for various ages. It does include homework and personal hygiene (which is a base level skill) but it does provide a place to start.

Chores are important.
"Doing household chores as a child turns out to be a major predictor of whether an individual does volunteer or community work as an adult, according to sociologists, who note that housework is an important teaching tool. And when it comes to domestic bliss, the distribution of domestic duties—grounded in childhood chores—can make or break a marriage."

(Check out the cartoons from Gary Olson like the one you see above)

Two Movies About Our Food...

2009-12-21T21:26:00.005-06:00

I'd encourage folks to watch two movies about our food and food supply system:
Food Inc and
The Future of Food.
Both are available on Netflix instant play.

My other blog on the brain had a post on diet and the brain - there is a strong connection between how well we eat and how well we use the full capacity of our brains. Good nutrition is key to raising a healthy family, ready to give God our best for a life time.

If you only get to one of these movies make it Food Inc. It gets at the subject of the second movie at least a little bit. As you watch, I suspect you'll be disgusted, angered and hopefully also motivated as well to change some things. The end of the Food Inc movie makes some very simple suggestions (I know 'simple' doesn't necessarily translate into 'easy'). Consumers do make a difference with our choices. The challenge is being an informed consumer.

Got gave us good things to eat. Interesting that, as the science gets more amazing, we are getting less healthy. Good to remember that we live in a Fallen world. I heard a friend make the connection to the Tower of Babel and, at first I didn't get it. It is a story of people who think they are so capable that they can build a tower up to God to 'make a name for themselves'. Perhaps a good comparison... we think that we (science/industry/government) can do better than the 'simple systems' that God put in place. Or perhaps it is just simple greed, and the bottom line is profit instead of doing our best - for us and others.

Don't expect it to cost less to eat better. But eating better is important if we want to give God our best.

Eat locally! Cook meals together - and benefit from the family meal/conversation time as well.

Watching our children grow

2009-12-15T13:08:00.004-06:00

There is great joy in watching your children grow up. To be sure, there are always bumps in the road but God blessed us with the chance to watch children grow and mature over time that is wonderful to behold. Some parents go overboard on involvement - sometimes called 'helicopter parents'. They don't leave enough breathing room for their children to learn to do their own thing. (An interesting article in the 11-30-09 Time Magazine on the backlash to 'over-parenting.)

And that joy of being a parent continues well into adulthood. Parents never stop being parents.

The new media makes that 'watching' different than it used to be. Time was, you didn't know some things that your children were doing - even as the hovering, helicopter parent. As they got older and spread their wings, they lived more and more of life outside of our immediate sphere of influence.

Now you have a choice. Young people these days, for better or worse, post so much of their life on line... for everyone to see... including you, if you choose. Choosing to watch can add to the joy of parenting as you see into their lives in a more immediate way than was possible in the past. It can also let you see things you wish you didn't see. And then you have to decide how to respond... chime in with a response to their posts or stay silent.

A hard call. Sometimes it is good to chime in, like you would if they had told you (they kind of did when they posted it!) and you were giving advice, sharing your perspective and counsel. (The thing to remember about advice is that it is best received when it is wanted, and inside a mutually respected relationship.) Sometimes it is good to bite your tongue and stay a silent observer - and use the info as a way to pray very specifically! Chime in as a parent when you aren't wanted and the posts may stop. I think I'd rather know than not. If you can't take the good with the bad you are better off not watching at all, and then you'll miss it all. Ah, the joys of parenting! Kind of like our heavenly Father, watching us.

"Fair" does not mean "equal"

2009-12-12T11:38:00.003-06:00

"That's not fair!". We said that growing up. We heard it from our own kids.

My Dad got it. He knew that fair did not mean equal. I think it was easier to understand when the families were larger... he came from a family with 12 kids. I have 6 siblings. The more kids there are, the more clear it is that everyone is different and the "same" is not right for everyone. Fairness is more about what is appropriate than about what is equal.

That is harder to handle when there are fewer kids. It just seems that everyone should get the same and that would settle it (especially from the kids perspective). The same punishment for breaking rules, the same opportunities, the same attention, the same ... everything.

My Dad would often remind us when we were kids - and even reminded us as adult children dealing with our own siblings, and with our own kids - that fair did not mean equal. Fair meant doing the things that were best for each one.

Living...

2009-12-02T12:16:00.003-06:00

Check out this blog for some of the best words about living from someone who is dieing. Connie Ore was a team mate at St John Lutheran in Seward, NE. She and her husband do music very well. Her blog is always inspirational and I recommend a regular stop there.

The Wedding - an important start...

2009-11-24T23:46:00.004-06:00

Our son just got married this past weekend to a wonderful young lady he met at Valpo. Spent some time with them yesterday at her folks place and her dad shared an article from Christianity Today that has much wisdom in it:

The article is "Lord of the Wedding Dance" and references the YouTube video called "Jill and Kevin's wedding entrance". Almost 32 million hits and counting. Quite the phenomenon.

The article makes the critical point about what - more accurately, who - is the center of the ceremony. It is not the couple. It is Christ. And, by extension, the whole community - Pastor, families, witnesses, and of course the couple. Still lots of room for expressing individuality in the ceremony, but Christ is central.

It was wonderful yesterday to hear all the friends and family express to the newly weds, through their cards and personal notes, that wonderful truth over and over again. A marriage well started! Hooray!

Great Games

2009-11-17T21:16:00.004-06:00

Search Institute has a wonderful resource for parents that can also come as a regular email - MVParenting.

Timely topics, age specific help and creative ideas. Current topic is on Great Games. Spend some time with your family playing.

Brain Rules

2009-11-16T12:52:00.002-06:00

Check out my blog on the brain for a cool book and web site called Brain Rules.

Two powerful words: YES and NO.

2009-10-24T15:13:00.006-05:00

I'm a big fan of Media Wise and Dr David Walsh. I posted on them recently, twice.

They are making a big push for their Say Yes to No book and parenting program. Excellent stuff. Right on the money. "Yes" is a powerful word. Parents need to affirm their kids. God's "Yes" to us in the forgiveness we have through Jesus is a great example for parents affirming their kids. But just as important is the word "NO". And many parents have a very hard time with that one.

From Media Wise - "Research proves it: self-discipline is twice as strong a predictor of school success as intelligence. We need to help parents foster this vital trait."

Self-discipline - translate that: "saying 'no' to yourself". It is learned by experiencing what "no" means. A real "no". Not 'turn up the volume' or 'ask the other parent' or throw a tantrum'... "NO" ... the end.

Interesting connection to another couple links about the Marshmallow Story. First video is David Walsh explaining it. Second video is the actual experiment.

Check out Saying Yes to No.

Digital Natives

2009-10-05T19:22:00.003-05:00

I've posted on this before but re-read some of Marc Prensky's work and think it is worth parents and educators checking (or re-checking) out. I'd suggest reading both parts of his Digital Native/Digital Immigrants piece as a good place to start.

Is there really such a big difference in the kids of today? Prensky, Jukes and others say a resounding "YES"! The brain wires itself based on what it experiences. The current generation knows only the digital age. Prensky gives some interesting a persuasive arguments for a fundamental difference in the digital natives brains. And he argues that education has to change to keep up with the differences. I like how he doesn't argue that we give up critical thinking or teaching logic but I think he makes a powerful case for a fundamental change in how we do things - especially for those of us who are digital immigrants and "speak with an accent".

His article about "backup education" is challenging. And Ian Jukes gives some specific, helpful advice on closing the digital divide.

Parents need to be thinking about this and in dialogue with their children and their children's school faculty.

Mirror Neurons

2009-09-21T14:46:00.004-05:00

I wasn't sure which of my two blogs to put this on - it has implications for brain and family.

Scientists are in the very early stages of learning about Mirror Neurons. Looks very interesting. Think about how our infants learn things. I remember for our own and for our grand kids, getting them to smile by smiling at them, or later to clap by clapping with them. Scientists connect it to empathy as well. And some early connections to Autism - perhaps the mirror neurons are misfiring.

Seems to reinforce the important role of parent on instructing the young - and on the importance of doing what we say.

Watch for much more to come. Here is a short video from NOVA on Mirror Neurons if you are interested.

An Unfair Advantage...

2009-09-08T12:09:00.006-05:00

Parents have an unfair advantage that they may not be aware of or take advantage of when it comes to influencing their children.

I'm preparing some presentations on current brain research as part of our Fitz Family presentation these days and reminded again about the importance of patterns and the importance of repetition, along with the need for the brain to gear down and process. (you can check out more on the brain at my other blog)

What better time to gain influence with your children, to impart important messages, to show your love, to learn about their lives, than in the regular, simple ritual moments of life - like eating meals and going to bed. We eat and go to bed every day - we just may not be taking full advantage of those for building family. Making a simple change to take advantage of more/most of those times gives the parents powerful time with their children. Repeated patterns, connected to the other senses of smell, taste, and touch, and especially when done at the end of the day just before bed/sleep and major brain processing time... can't get much better than that!

Faith Ink and their Faith Five along with Youth and Family Institute know about that and give lots of resources for parents so they can take advantage of their powerful position for positive influence in the lives of their kids through simple, regular actions.

Another Helpful Nudge

2009-08-27T16:29:00.005-05:00

Our mail inboxes are full of "stuff" (perhaps too nice a word for some of what ends up in there). A small portion of mine ends up being helpful/necessary stuff.

I have found it helpful to subscribe to various organizations for devotions or e-newsletters since I know what they send will be helpful. When those come, I take time to check it over.

My last post was one of those and here is another: MediaWise has a regular E-news that they send out and I find it very helpful. I'd encourage you to subscribe to it and have it be a timely (the current one is on back to school stuff), gentle and very helpful nudge in the right direction on parenting.

MV Parenting

2009-08-27T07:43:00.004-05:00

Search Institute produces a great e-newsletter called MVParents. The current one is on the importance of touch. I like it because it gives specific, doable things for parents with kids in four different age categories, from birth to teenagers. Worth signing up for this one. Topics are timely and the Institute has a great track record of understanding young people and helping families. You can sign up at the MVParents link above.

Looking in the mirror

2009-08-25T10:28:00.003-05:00

Had a great visit with our oldest child/daughter Nica and her two kids for the past couple weeks (Thanks to Wes, her husband, for parting with them for so long!). We had a chance to work together (some Fitz Family performances - it was great to work with her again as that doesn't happen too often) and we also did some celebrating for our granddaughter Charlotte's 3rd birthday, a belated 50th celebration for Becky, my wife, and a wedding shower for Claire Rueffer our oldest son's fiance. Lots of parties!

It was also a time, on two different generations, to take a look in the mirror. Charlotte got a baby doll for her birthday and it was great fun to watch her walk around and 'put her to sleep' exactly like Nica puts Frank (the younger brother) to sleep. Body language and motion, words, tone of voice, concern that a 'sleeping baby' not be woken up with loud talking... it was ALL there. That is how it is supposed to work. We don't sit them down for a 'class' on taking care of babies. They see us do it and file it away/play/repeat it on their own and it becomes theirs. We saw much of ourselves in Nica too as we see our parents in ourselves.

It happens whether we plan for it or not. They watch, and learn, and repeat. They watch how we speak, relate, work, play, worship, pray, fight, rest, argue, praise, and on and on.

The most important thing we can do for our children is live - intentionally - a life that pleases God - to the best of our ability and with all the strength that God is happy to provide. They'll be watching and learning.

Family Resources

2009-08-10T12:08:00.003-05:00

Two great monthly resources you can subscribe to that come from the LCMS. One is called Home Base and the other is called 24/7. Both are excellent resources for family and how to form faith in Jesus at home.

Marriage - seems to be pretty important...

2009-07-24T16:48:00.006-05:00

I came across the July 13 edition of Time Magazine at my Chiropractors office and the cover title was : "Unfaithfully Yours". An interesting source for what turned out to be a pretty conservative view on marriage.

The lead article "Is there hope for the American Marriage" was written by Caitlin Flanagan (an interesting women herself) and it has much to say about reasons to preserve marriage - translate that: commit and build rather than try it, cut and run. The article references some high profile infidelities and then gets on to some of the critical reasons to preserve marriage: the care and nurture of each other and our children.

From the article: "And so two more American families discover a truth as old as marriage: a lasting covenant between a man and a woman can be a vehicle for the nurture and protection of each other, the one reliable shelter in an uncaring world — or it can be a matchless tool for the infliction of suffering on the people you supposedly love above all others, most of all on your children."

Flanagan touches on the dramatic differences in the outcomes of kids from single parents vs two parent homes, births to unmarried women (now at 40% of the total births), the critical role of the father, the purpose of marriage and our cultural ambivalence to the institution of marriage to which she responds: "This is ultimately self-defeating. It is time instead to come to terms with both our unrealistic expectations for a happy marriage and our equally unrealistic beliefs about the consequences of walking away from the families we build."

The Bible says: leave and cleave; the two shall become one...

It is interesting to note that, while reading an online article praising the institution of traditional marriage you are bombarded with links to such things as a gay marriage video, the top 10 mistresses, the top 10 scandals of 2008 and more. Good reason to be sure that we as parents and our education system are teaching our children to be discerning and thoughtful and well grounded as they navigate this electronic world.

Family Togetherness - in the bullseye!

2009-07-17T10:53:00.003-05:00

Another great blog is from Youth and Family Institute. Paul Hill recently blogged about families being in the bulls eye of marketers. If you don't see a bright red and white bulls eye on you somewhere, look again.

Paul highlighted a "Youth Marketing Mega Event..." it is not new but it reinforces the energy and resources that are going into selling... to you and your kids. The power, volume and quality of messages you and especially your kids receive seems overwhelming.

The good news is that families have the power to resist. Parents are pretty powerful themselves - or can be. Y&F Institute helps remind us of that - and gives helpful, practical things to do; like the Four Keys: caring conversations, devotions, service, and rituals and traditions. These nurture and anchor our lives in Christian spiritual practices and that is the best way to resist the forces of the marketers.

Family of my own

2009-07-10T11:02:00.004-05:00

Having a chance, right after visiting my family of origin, to have some good time with most of my own current family. Had lunch with all three sons: Isaac, Sam and Gideon, and Isaac's fiance Claire. And now spending time with Jenica and Wes and their two kids and also Gideon for four days while at Lifest. With all our own kids grown and gone this does not happen much any more either (is there a pattern developing here?).

Such a blessing to have time with our own kids and with their kids as well. Get to see the results of the years of parenting (which never really end). And get to try on new skills of grandparenting. Distance and budget will play a part, but hoping to keep well connected to our children and grandchildren and beyond as the Lord blesses us.

Family of Origin

2009-07-10T10:18:00.002-05:00

I just had a chance to spend about 6 days back in Canada with my family of origin. A great time with my Mother mostly and then a 50th birthday celebration for one of my brothers and so some time with all my siblings. It had been two and a half years since the last visit. Too long. It is great to go back to your roots when you can. In this mobile world we often get far away from family - although I have served recently in a place (Aurora, IL) where there is much stability community wide... more than I have usually seen. When you have moved far away I find it good to go back and reconnect. Re-establish the relationships (in our case we don't even do the letter/email/phone thing much in between) and remember the beginnings, good or not so good.

While there I spent some time with my Mom at my Dad's grave site in small town Alberta. Lots of family connections. It was good as we walked around to hear all the connections there were. Distance and budget don't allow as many visits as we would like but we take advantage of them when we can and would encourage the same for others. It is your beginning and has much to do with who you have become.

Jon and Kate

2009-06-25T09:59:00.005-05:00

Everyone is talking about - and watching - them. Jon and Kate plus eight. I have never seen one of the TV shows (don't watch much TV). Just hear lots of jokes about them on late night and more. How hard must it be to live your life in the gigantic fishbowl that is the national media. Yikes! It is hard enough in the regular world. Such a fascination we have with "reality".

I'm saddened to hear that they seem to be heading to a divorce. I stumbled onto their own official web page and they seem to be great people. I wonder if they could have made it in the private world. I wonder how many of us would make it exposed like they were. I'm praying for them and for their kids... and for all families who have to work hard to stay together - I think that is all of us.

Who's in Charge?

2009-06-13T16:48:00.007-05:00

Who is in Charge? An important question in any circumstance. It is critical for families... and it goes way back to Genesis in the garden. God says yes and no. We tripped up on the "No". Still do. Saying Yes to NO is a great book/program from MediaWise/Dr David Walsh.

I was thinking about how children learn about the fear of God. I think it comes from the hearing and experiencing the word 'no' - from parents in God's place. Well meaning parents (or parents who have not seen/experienced the word 'no' themselves much) don't want to stiffle their child. You don't have to watch Super Nanny many times to see that learning to say no is a big part of the solution for most hurting families (in fact the Super Nanny has her own official help site now - learn how to parent from prime time TV!). And an interesting look at saying 'no' to yourself is these videos from MediaWise called the Marshmallow Story.

More from MediaWise on the positives of hearing 'no' and having limits.

Fireproof on Nightline

2009-06-08T21:49:00.005-05:00

Perhaps you caught it on the 5th of June. ABC News Nightline did a feature on Christian filmmaking. Fireproof was a great movie about marriage. Good to see it get some more air time. You're be able to see something online even if you missed it.

Still lots of good resources on the Fireproof movie web site.

Three Perspectives on Family Ministry

2009-06-06T09:40:00.004-05:00

Tim Jones has a forthcoming book on family ministry. I've seen a short preview of it on another blog and like what I see. It reinforces the previous blog on fathers too.

Here is a quick look at what's in the blog:

What Needs to Change?

Every church is called to some form of family ministry. This doesn't mean just adding one more program.

Rather, family ministry is the process of intentionally and persistently realigning a congregation's proclamation and practices so that parents—and especially fathers—are acknowledged, trained, and held accountable as the persons primarily responsible for the discipling of their children.

The blog has more and gives a quick look at the three perspectives. I'm interested to check out the book.

It's the economy...

2009-06-05T11:19:00.004-05:00

That phrase has had a life of its own since the Presidential campaign of 1992. It reminded us about what was key.
For Family Ministry it might be rephrased: "It's the father...". I've seen various statistics from various sources but they all reinforce the same thing: Dad's are critical to passing on the faith in a way that sticks.
The Swiss carried out an interesting study. A Dad active in the faith carries the day overwhelming when it comes to children who follow in their footsteps... well, when you put it that way, it works both ways. They follow them into an active faith or they follow them into an inactive faith/no faith.

Perhaps Children's Ministry should be more about Father's Ministry.

Here is a short bit from the study:

If both father and mother attend regularly, 33 percent of their children will end up as regular churchgoers, and 41 percent will end up attending irregularly. Only a quarter of their children will end up not practicing at all. If the father is irregular and mother regular, only 3 percent of the children will subsequently become regulars themselves, while a further 59 percent will become irregulars. Thirty-eight percent will be lost.

If the father is non-practicing and mother regular, only 2 percent of children will become regular worshippers, and 37 percent will attend irregularly. Over 60 percent of their children will be lost completely to the church.

Strong Marriages

2009-04-13T20:37:00.004-05:00

There are lots of great places to go for help building a strong marriage. We have always liked Marriage Encounter. A less likely place to go but one that we think is a great resource is Walter Wangerin Jr. The specific resource from him is "As For Me and My House". He is one of the most gifted writers I know and does a great job in this book talking about practical ways of crafting a strong marriage.

Perhaps the simplest advice on building a strong marriage comes from my father. He would take my mother out regularly (translate that weekly) for "coffee". That was a code word. They did actually drink coffee on these little dates but more importantly it was time to talk about each other and about their many children. They had a strong marriage till the very end when he died at 84. Thanks Dad for being a great model.

Hands on Parenting

2009-04-13T20:15:00.005-05:00

My parents were great examples of hands-on parenting. They didn't sit back and wait to see if things would work out, hoping they wouldn't have to have the hard conversations. The faced them head on. One time in high school (I was at a boarding school about 300 miles away from home) I got into trouble, big trouble, for drinking underage. I even ended up in a car accident and in the police station drunk tank. This was an isolated incident. I was not in trouble very much and was considered a leader in the school. My parents could have hoped for the best and let the school principle deal with it (which he did!). But no. My parents had to drive the 300 miles the next day and sit face to face with me and have a "talk" about what had happened. I don't remember much about the talk - but I do remember that they drove 300 miles to have the talk and that impressed me. I knew they were concerned about what I did and the decisions I made.

Sometimes the wind blows at us parents while we raise our kids...OK the wind blows all the time and sometimes it blows hard! Hands-on parenting is like leaning into the wind, adusting for the force of the storm but always moving forward and facing the challenges AND your kids head on. Let them know you love them!

A great resource for that kind of parenting is Dr Kevin Leman. Check out some of his DVD courses.

Family Friendly Church

2009-04-11T16:26:00.008-05:00

Ben Freudenburg has been getting it right for many years. An early pioneer in what is now a strong movement to raise parents up as critical in faith formation. This book is still very helpful. Ben and Jennifer are doing great things for family ministry - based out of Ann Arbor, MI. Thanks Ben and Jennifer!